dissolving resolve

After a spiritually uplifting weekend of listening to the general authorities and prophets counsel us and feeling refocused and ready to meet my challenges, I am sad to report I am already loosing the battle. It seemed like so many of the talks were about meeting the needs of the youth of the church, calling parents and leaders to step up and teach and love and nurture growing testimonies, to be more diligent in FHE, scripture study and prayer, to seek the Spirit for specific answers to problems. I found myself committed to being a better mother, more patient, kind, nurturing. I was really excited by the prospect of doing better.



Then the T.V. turned off at the end of conference and life resumed.



I tried to capture in picture form just a few of the moments that have tested my resolve and leave me questioning whether or not I can ever really be the mom I desire to be.


First off here is a picture of my boys' closet after I asked my five year old, Colt to "pick up" his room. Ya, I wasn't impressed. That IS a Sunday shirt buried in the shoe, shin guard, shoe rack, mess.

Along with the constant messes yesterday, I had Little Man (He has another ear infection/sinus infection per our doctor's visit yesterday. Yes, more time wasted at the doctor's office while trying to entertain three kids) who was particularly needy and discontent refusing to quench his thirst with anything other than his sister's mini tea cup! Any idea how many refills he needed before he was satisfied? TWENTY-TWO. Who has the time or patience for that? I guess I did after he chucked the first cup of water I gave him all over the floor and whined and pulled on my shirt demanding I fill up "the cup."

And last but certainly not least is my biggest nemesis of all, the bookshelf! Savvy and Flint find some kind of perverse, unmatched joy at throwing all of the books off of the bookshelf and doing a victory dance on top of them before settling in with a couple to read/rip to shreds.

This is my life: messes, disciplining, doctor's appointments, homework help, meal planning, grocery shopping, cooking, magical accounting, scrubbing toilets, vacuuming, mopping, dishes, and endless other dreaded cleaning chores.

I then have to remind myself that my life is also: kisses, hugs, six sets of beautiful eyes watching me, reading books, cuddling on the couch, whispering secrets, holding hands, listening to newly discovered life's mysteries, special notes left on my pillow by thoughtful children, bike rides, walks, exploring the desert behind our house, art projects, and playing "beauty shop", trains, and house. (Why is it more fun to be a kid and "play house" than to be an adult and "keep house".)

In spite of my frustrations and complaints, I know I'm blessed; I'm just convinced that the answer to my problem of being a better mom is to hire a house cleaner and a professional chef!!!