This week Jon and I celebrate 11 years of marriage. I stare at that number and ask "really? only 11?" Funny how after time with someone you start to own their memories and put them retroactively into your memories as well. You hear the stories enough times and you really begin to believe that you lived it with them. So on the books we are only officially 11 years. In my mind it is a lifetime behind us and an eternity ahead of us.
I took out my journal today and reread what I wrote on our wedding day. I couldn't help but laugh to myself as I remembered my demands after walking out of the temple after the ceremony and the pictures. I made what Jon has since informed me to be an out of line request. I asked Jon to sit outside the temple on a hot August afternoon and write in our journals! Yes I really did. Only now after so many years with him can I fully appreciate that he obliged me in my request when that was absolutely the very last thing in the world that he had anticipated doing on his wedding day. ( That was the first of many concessions that he has had to make during the last 11 years.) I am so grateful that he did. It brought tears to my eyes as I reread my entry from that day. The freshness of my thoughts and feelings are captured in such a way that time could have erroded my memory and perhaps erroded the moment.
I don't know that Jon will appreciate me posting this letter I wrote to him today. I tend to be more open in my thoughts and feelings. . . . maybe that will change some day, but for now I just think that all our friends and family should know how wonderful he is. I don't think he reads my blog anyway.
August 11, 2009
Dear Jon,
It isn’t even Wednesday or our actual anniversary, but I have been thinking about us a lot today and decided sometimes feelings shouldn’t “wait” to be expressed at the “appropriate” time, but in the moment that they are felt.
On our wedding day I gave you a poem, “Everything for Eternity” and on our 5th wedding anniversary you wrote me a poem, “After having a Few”, but on our double the 5th plus one anniversary, I want to give you a letter to keep with this year’s tradition of the Wednesday letter.
Eleven years. . . . .it was the best of times; it was the worst of times. I think Charles Dickens’s quote is quite fitting applied to our marriage. I still laugh when I think back to the first week of marriage, post-honeymoon. I remember us arguing over one of the many silly things we had to reach an understanding about, and you telling me in exasperation, “Rachelle, you got to choose your battles!” I remember looking at you wide eyed and intensely stating back, “I do! I choose all of them!”
Thanks for sticking around until I figured out how to choose battles. I have so much to be grateful for during our years together—the highs and the lows.
The joy of joining together to create life. The birth of six vibrant, healthy children. Watching our children reach each new milestone. We get to share in the repetive nature of life’s cycles while enjoying the uniqueness of each individual child.
The sorrow of two miscarriages. The fear that my body might never support life to bring a new child to our home. The sadness of letting go of the hopes and dreams for the life that ended so soon after beginning.
Sleeping in the hospital room with our sick baby Waylan wondering how I can go on if he doesn’t. Taking turns sitting in a hospital room with our sick daughter gasping for life’s breath.
The successes and failures. The despair of every repeated class and finding courage to try again. The excitement of each passed class, one step closer to the end. Together through new jobs, new careers, good employment, and no employment we have forged our way forward in life.
Times of plenty: trips to Cabo San Lucas, Florida, Yellow Stone, The Beach, Disneyland, Fish Lake, Lake Mead Trips, Mt. Wheeler; beautiful jewelry, new guns, fun restaurants and Ghirardelli ice cream. Times of famine: looking at our bank account, wondering how we will make it through the month (still want to know where the money tree is planted!), spaghetti night after night after night (who knew there could be so many variations?), fears that our children will suffer -- fears that can only be consoled in the peace of our Savior.
I took out my journal today and reread what I wrote on our wedding day. I couldn't help but laugh to myself as I remembered my demands after walking out of the temple after the ceremony and the pictures. I made what Jon has since informed me to be an out of line request. I asked Jon to sit outside the temple on a hot August afternoon and write in our journals! Yes I really did. Only now after so many years with him can I fully appreciate that he obliged me in my request when that was absolutely the very last thing in the world that he had anticipated doing on his wedding day. ( That was the first of many concessions that he has had to make during the last 11 years.) I am so grateful that he did. It brought tears to my eyes as I reread my entry from that day. The freshness of my thoughts and feelings are captured in such a way that time could have erroded my memory and perhaps erroded the moment.
I don't know that Jon will appreciate me posting this letter I wrote to him today. I tend to be more open in my thoughts and feelings. . . . maybe that will change some day, but for now I just think that all our friends and family should know how wonderful he is. I don't think he reads my blog anyway.
August 11, 2009
Dear Jon,
It isn’t even Wednesday or our actual anniversary, but I have been thinking about us a lot today and decided sometimes feelings shouldn’t “wait” to be expressed at the “appropriate” time, but in the moment that they are felt.
On our wedding day I gave you a poem, “Everything for Eternity” and on our 5th wedding anniversary you wrote me a poem, “After having a Few”, but on our double the 5th plus one anniversary, I want to give you a letter to keep with this year’s tradition of the Wednesday letter.
Eleven years. . . . .it was the best of times; it was the worst of times. I think Charles Dickens’s quote is quite fitting applied to our marriage. I still laugh when I think back to the first week of marriage, post-honeymoon. I remember us arguing over one of the many silly things we had to reach an understanding about, and you telling me in exasperation, “Rachelle, you got to choose your battles!” I remember looking at you wide eyed and intensely stating back, “I do! I choose all of them!”
Thanks for sticking around until I figured out how to choose battles. I have so much to be grateful for during our years together—the highs and the lows.
The joy of joining together to create life. The birth of six vibrant, healthy children. Watching our children reach each new milestone. We get to share in the repetive nature of life’s cycles while enjoying the uniqueness of each individual child.
The sorrow of two miscarriages. The fear that my body might never support life to bring a new child to our home. The sadness of letting go of the hopes and dreams for the life that ended so soon after beginning.
Sleeping in the hospital room with our sick baby Waylan wondering how I can go on if he doesn’t. Taking turns sitting in a hospital room with our sick daughter gasping for life’s breath.
The successes and failures. The despair of every repeated class and finding courage to try again. The excitement of each passed class, one step closer to the end. Together through new jobs, new careers, good employment, and no employment we have forged our way forward in life.
Times of plenty: trips to Cabo San Lucas, Florida, Yellow Stone, The Beach, Disneyland, Fish Lake, Lake Mead Trips, Mt. Wheeler; beautiful jewelry, new guns, fun restaurants and Ghirardelli ice cream. Times of famine: looking at our bank account, wondering how we will make it through the month (still want to know where the money tree is planted!), spaghetti night after night after night (who knew there could be so many variations?), fears that our children will suffer -- fears that can only be consoled in the peace of our Savior.
The burial of old dreams and the birth of new visions.
I loved you the day I agreed to marry you; I loved you more the day I married you; I love you still more every day that passes. So many different levels to the word “love”. How do I explain the depth of how I feel? I love you enough to clean urine soaked bathrooms, do endless loads of laundry, watch and care for our six children, support you in your dreams (even if they aren’t mine), stand by you through any and every trial of life, and still choose to do it again tomorrow and the next day and the next.
Love,
Rachelle
Just for fun I thought I would post a before and after picture.
Here is our engagement picture, June 1998.
July 2009, eleven years, six kids, weight changes, but the same blue dress!
8 comments:
What a beautiful post Rachelle. You both are so amazing and such examples for us. We love you both and I am so glad that you are my sister and that Jon is my brother!
You Look absolutely AMAZING! Even more beautiful now then you were when you got engaged!!!!!!!
That was such a sweet post Rachelle. It moved me! You two have accomplished so much in 11 years. I admire both of you for what I have seen you persevere through. You are such a great example of keeping the faith through trials. No one could ever deny how much you and Jon love each other. I am sure your children see that too, which I'm sure makes them feel so safe and secure. What a wonderful memory to look back on what you wrote in your journal on your wedding day. That is beautiful. You look terrific in that blue dress and I would agree with Lynette that the latter picture is stunning! Congratulations to you both!
~Mandy
I must agree with the others, you are even more beautiful today! I love you and I love your sweet family! You are a constant example and inspiration to me! You have me either laughing or crying when I read your blog-no in between!
Here's to you and Jon. You do look amazing!!
Happy anniversary!
Love the pictures - I wish I'd kept the dress I wore in my engagement photos! How adorable is that?
Sweet post, I loved it :)
Rachelle-
Thanks for sharing that heartfelt letter. You are a beautiful person, inside and out. I LOVE having someone with such depth, character and perspective as my friend. Love you!
I meant to comment on this post last week when I first read it. Your letter made me cry!
On a funny note, I can't believe you made Jon write in his journal in the August heat of your wedding day. But, I think it shows how much he loves you that he did it!
I also loved the before and after pictures! You are looking awesome by the way. I think you are more beautiful than when you got married!
Congratulations... I hope you had a memorable anniversary. :)
Michelle I meant to thank you for the dress. I still owe you!
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